the MMM Metropolitan

Hilarious Quotes!!

Compiled by me.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Robert Bloch

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ...
Louis Hector Berlioz

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.